A Necessary Task

 

Having gotten hold of some of my past possessions yesterday, and having them all delivered to my current home, I now had a new task ahead of me- disposing of it.  In the days between my diagnosis and my first admittance to the hospital (and subsequent surgery), I had just a few days.  I elected to spend them at home, doing as much disposal and packing as I could in that time.  I never set foot in that apartment again.    I had lived there for 10 years, and though I was meticulous about taking out trash (especially food related stuff) and recycling, there was much that had built up, and most of it related to art and teaching.  Some of that was turned over to my brother and his family, and they claimed to have brought all the art stuff to my new location.  A lot of framed artwork was brought her and put down the basement (my recent show at the JSAC came from this material), I knew there was a lot missing, and had no idea what had been saved.

Finally yesterday I got my first taste of what I hadn't seen in about a year and a half.  One thing I brought home was the packaged figure drawings, covering my whole artistic career, but mostly the ones done in Belmar as part of the figure group.  Most nights that I went, I posted my best drawing of the night right here on this blog.  However, we drew for hours, and some of my drawings were not as good as others.  But good or bad, all was drawn in large 18" x 24" pads I had (some bought new, some salvaged from those unused but left behind by students) with charcoal, and all saved.  But back then I had a two bedroom apartment, financed by a bunch of jobs I don't have anymore, and may not be able to replace.  I do hope to have a place of my own again someday, but I may not have that kind of space again, so things have to go.

For example, I have posted two drawings above.  One is the best of the night, and one is something I chose not to show here when I did it.  Today was about getting rid of some of those original drawings that were just not as good.  My computer records show that I did a number of drawings of that particular  model that evening (a regular, so there are a lot of drawings of her on this blog), and the lower one is the one I selected to show on my blog that night.  (April 20, 2011)  However, the upper drawing was done of the same model that night and I didn't like it as much. So the photo was not edited and not posted. (I generally did not draw her tattoos, but that one on her shoulder, from the doorways of the old Carousel House in Asbury is one she actually has)  So today was the day to dispose of drawings I wasn't that satisfied with and didn't need to keep, so that top drawing was torn out of the pad it was in, and then cut up- it no longer exists except that above photo.  I got rid of dozens and dozens of drawings today.  As an artist I want to hold on to everything, but I don't have the space, and some of these drawings are not any good, so it's better to get rid of them now.